Have you ever wondered why you’re so different to your fellows? I have.
And have you ever wondered why that is? Because I have too.
In this case you should probably have a look at these 12 believe patterns and about how and why they might apply to your life.
Make sure to differentiate between the influence of your mother, father, grandparents, school and society because I think these five media have the main impact on your childhood and thus your personal development. They shape what you become. That includes myself.
Let’s have a look at them and think back!
- Don’t feel your feelings and never talk about them.
- Don’t think, don’t look for solutions and don’t make a decision – you probably don’t know what you want or what is best for you.
- Don’t perceive problems, don’t mention them and solve them – it is not good to have problems.
- Be good, decent, perfect and strong.
- Don’t be who you are, because that is not good enough.
- Don’t be selfish, don’t put yourself first, don’t say what you want or need, don’t say no, don’t set limits, and don’t take care of yourself – always take care of others. Do not hurt their feelings and do not make them angry.
- Don’t be funny or silly and don’t enjoy your life – it costs money makes noise and is not necessary.
- Don’t trust yourself, your higher self, the process of life or certain people – instead put trust in deceitful people and then react surprised when they trick you
- Don’t be open, honest or direct – speak in hints, manipulate others into speaking for you. Guess what they want and need and expect them to do the same for you.
- Don’t get close to anyone – you will make yourself vulnerable.
- Don’t disrupt the existing system by growing or changing.
- Always keep a happy face no matter how you feel or what you have to do.
And?
Can you see yourself in a few of these? I can.
I think that the school and society apply to almost all of these 12 patterns especially number 11. The kind of growth or change you want to take is defined by the system you’re living in. They determine what you can become and what not by setting boundaries that keep you in a frame that serves them.
I can tell from my experience that the grandparents are have a major impact as well although you’re in contact with as much as with you parents. But when you’re meeting them I can see at least seven patterns that apply.
I come to belief that it is the mother who is the least applicable to the 12 belief patterns although she has the biggest power over you. That might vary for sure depending on individual situations but in my case I think I’ve come off pretty lucky. In this case manipulation might be much more subtle because you’re dependent of the love, attention and affection which makes it much harder to look through the mirror.
Source: Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, 1986