The Evolution of Desire
- „We still cling to the idea that somewhere people live in perfect harmony with nature and each other, and that this would be within our reach if it weren’t for the corrupting influences of Western culture.“ – Melvin Konner (p. 9)
- Understanding sexual strategies means truly understanding what triggers these strategies, and thus, it is the first step towards reducing the conflict potential between men and women. In my book, I examine the nature of this conflict and propose solutions that promote more harmony and better understanding between genders. (p. 30)
- The current social situation and the existing culture determine which strategies are actually employed and which remain latent. (p. 33)
- Women value good financial prospects twice as much as men do when assessing the value of their partners. These findings are from studies conducted in 1939, 1956, 1967, and the mid-80s. This selection criterion is not limited to Western society but is universal. In 37 cultures on all 6 continents and five island populations, these female preferences were observed over a five-year period from 1948 to 1989. In total, 18 characteristics were examined, where women place about 100% more value on financial resources than men do. (p. 47)
- In a study of 5000 college students, attributes such as status, rank, prestige, reputation, power, social and professional standing, and a top position were declared more important by women than by men. Women avoid men who let themselves be dominated by others or are not respected in their group. (p. 50)
- All indicators such as economic resources, social status, and higher age lead to the same conclusion: the man’s ability to acquire and control goods that the woman can use for herself and her children. (p. 55)
- Whoever pursues someone whose market value exceeds their own risks being eventually abandoned by someone who has extensive options in the partner market. Unequal relationships often break down because the more desired partner can find a better deal elsewhere. (p. 67)
- Scientific findings have shown that symmetrical faces are more attractive than asymmetrical ones. The degree of asymmetry can provide an individual indication of health and be a sign that a person is disturbed by various stress factors. Asymmetry increases with age, which speaks again for young women in men’s eyes. Symmetry represents youth and health. (p. 93)
- There is now ample evidence that the waist-to-hip ratio is an accurate indicator of female fertility. Women with a large difference between waist and hip are more likely to become pregnant than women with a smaller difference. It is also proven that diseases such as diabetes, high blood pressure, heart problems, premature stroke, and gallbladder diseases are associated with fat distribution, not overall fat content but its distribution ratio. The waist-to-hip ratio is a sign of attractiveness. This beauty ideal has evolved over millennia and serves as a reliable indicator in choosing a partner. (p. 95)
- The fact that beautiful women today are highly valued by men of all cultures is not only because attractiveness signals a woman’s reproductive capability but also because it is a status symbol. (p. 101)
- In a German study, it was found that as men’s income rises, they seek younger partners. Each increase in income is associated with a decrease in the age of the sought-after woman. (p. 106)
- The images shown in advertisements and TV commercials represent ideals that do not correspond to reality, and their declared intention is to encourage viewers to strive for these unattainable ideals. This interpretation is at least partially incorrect. Our beauty ideals are not arbitrary but embody reliable indicators of reproductive value. Advertisers have no special interest in promoting a specific beauty ideal; they just want to exploit what boosts sales most easily. So, if they place a young woman on the hood of a car, they do it because this image exploits men’s evolutionarily conditioned psychological mechanisms and sells more cars, not because they want to propagate a specific beauty ideal. (p. 107)
- We still possess the same selection mechanisms that emerged in ancient times. However, today, these are artificially stimulated by countless commercials and advertisements. These images do not represent the real women in our social environment; instead, they exploit mechanisms intended for a completely different environment. As a result, they can become sources of unhappiness by interfering disruptively in existing real relationships. When men view such images, they become dissatisfied and feel less bound to their actual partners. But these images also harm women because they slip into an unhealthy competition, striving more and more to conform to these images, even if it has to be achieved in very unhealthy ways. (p. 108-109)
- Men prefer younger women because marriage is at the center of human mating behavior. Their desires and cravings serve to assess the future reproductive potential of the woman and are not only directed at immediate fertilization. Appearance, with its multitude of reliable indicators of the reproductive potential of a potential life partner, has immense significance for them. (p. 116)
- Beauty is not just something superficial but a mirror of our fertility. (p. 117)
- Study on short- and long-term mating behavior: Over a period of 1 year, men wish for an average of 6 partners, while women wish for only one over a period of 3 years, men wish for 10, and women wish for two. Over the course of a lifetime, men wish for 18, while women wish for 4 or 5. (p. 125)
- For 41 out of a total of 67 partner characteristics, men are willing to show flexible standards when it comes to a short-term relationship. In this case, men are capable of considerable changes in terms of charm, athleticism, good manners, generosity, sincerity, self-confidence, kindness, education, reliability, humor, kindness, wealth, sense of responsibility, spontaneity, helpfulness, and self-control. In this way, access to as many different sexual partners as possible is granted. (p. 127)
- Personality traits that women have a negative attitude toward include: ridicule, violence, bisexuality, general unpopularity, alcohol abuse, lack of education, bad manners, possessiveness, promiscuity, selfishness, humorlessness, and insensitivity. On the other hand, there are only four traits in men that are off-putting: undeveloped sex drive, ugliness, need for attachment, and body hair. (p. 127)
- The Coolidge Effect refers to the peculiarity of men to become sexually aroused again in the presence of a new woman. This is a psychological factor that has developed over millennia and makes it easier for men to engage in sexual activities with as many women as possible. (p. 129)
- In a bar, the attractiveness of women increases with the passing of time. The later it gets, the more attractive the opposite sex appears. This is related to the effort to find a sexual opportunity if one has been unsuccessful in the preceding hours. (p. 133)
- Kinsey found that 69% of Americans visit a prostitute at least once, and 15% do so regularly. (p. 136)
- A study on short-term and long-term mating behavior revealed that women value four qualities in a lover higher than in the man with whom they would enter into a committed relationship: The lover should spend as much money on them as possible from the beginning, give gifts from the beginning, show an extravagant lifestyle, and be generous with his means. For a long-term relationship, these are also advantages, but other characteristics also come into play. (p. 138)
- Cheating can serve the function of preparing for a partner change. Evidence comes from two sources: One study found that women usually have affairs when they feel dissatisfied in their current relationship. (Men who cheat, on the other hand, are not unhappier than those who restrain themselves.) A second study shows that women sometimes engage with another man when they want to replace their current one or make it easier for themselves to end this relationship. Both studies show that cheating is supposed to lead to a partner change. (p. 143)
- The cosmetics industry does not create new desires but benefits from those already existing. (p. 177)
- „Before marriage, women believe the man will still change, and men believe the woman will remain as she is. Both are wrong.“ (p. 260)
- Everything a person has ever done in historical and prehistoric times represents the lowest limit of the possible. The maximum, if there is one, eludes our knowledge. John Tobby, Leda Cosmides (p. 317)